If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
