Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
