Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
