thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
