it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
