I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
