there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
