My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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