Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And then he peed in my hair
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