Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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