I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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