We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
