He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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