Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
