my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
