After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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