so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
