I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
