Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
