No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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