How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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