He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
