I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
