Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize