Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
