Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
