Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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