just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
