I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize