just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
