Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
