Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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