I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
