This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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