In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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