I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
