Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
