I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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