only if we run a train.
done.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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