I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
