They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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