New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
