Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize