I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
