I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
