yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
