Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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