1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
