I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
