I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
