nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
