Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Terrible idea I love it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
