i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize