Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
