My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
PANTIES FOUND
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