Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
