i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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