Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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