He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
