Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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