some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
