between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize