The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
