i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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