btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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