About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
