flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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