Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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