..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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