Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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