im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
