I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
