so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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